HUMOR AND SATIRE | WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Feb 19 22:44

Tesla Launches Turf Driven Car For Irish Market

IN A BID to get Ireland on the right environmental track and to push against the resistance to fight climate change on a local level, electric car manufacturer Tesla has launched its first turf-powered car.

Feb 18 12:02

MUST LISTEN: Russian Pranksters Posing as Greta Thunberg Fool Bernie Sanders for 10 Glorious, Side-Splitting Minutes

One of their funniest yet. They get Bernie to agree to wear gold chains and throw money around in a rap video with girls in bikinis.

Feb 11 15:55

Russian Satellites Spying on US Spy Satellite, Space Force Chief Says

Anybody remember Spy vs. Spy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onR7PD3Grc0

Gen. Raymond says Russian technology could harm US systems
Jason Ditz Posted on February 10, 2020Categories NewsTags Russia, Space Force

The US military now has a Space Force. To justify the tens of billions of dollars to be spent on it annually, however, commanders are fully aware that a Space Force needs space enemies to fight, or at least talk about fighting.

Feb 09 11:03

Keith Richards Quits Smoking After Learning It Causes Premature Aging

First Kirk Douglas passes,next poor Orson Bean gets hit by multiple cars and dies,then Bob Conrad and now this!

Weston, Connecticut —

After doing some reading and consulting his doctor, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has decided to give up his cigarette smoking habit.

Feb 09 02:35

Hawkish Senators Demand Twitter 'Obey Sanctions' By Banning Iran's Leaders

At this rate all Iranian media sources and official accounts could soon be banned in the West, leaving journalists without a clue of what Tehran's leaders actually think, and without official statements. The semi-official Fars news English website was knocked offline two weeks ago by US Treasury order (the international server host conformed, making Fars transfer its site hosting to within Iran), but the latest in a growing list of "purges" whether on YouTube or other platforms.

And now US senators are leading the charge to get Iran's leaders banned from Twitter, as The Hill reports:

A group of Republican senators lead by Sen. Ted Cruz (Texas) sent a letter to Twitter on Thursday asking the platform to suspend the accounts of Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif to comply with U.S. sanction law.

Webmaster's Commentary: 

Why are Cruz, et al, so completely terrified of what the Iranian leadership might have to say in English, that they are demanding this censorship from Twitter?!?

Is it (gasp) possible that this leadership might, on occasion, have something to say which makes absolute sense to a potential US reader?!?

Folks, the short answer, here, has to be "Yes", and Cruz & Company don't want Americans to ever have that happen to them, because Iran has been designated as "the enemy" by a President who can only see this country through the utterly distorted "vision" of one of his BFFs in the Middle East, and that, of course, would be through the jaundiced eyes of Israel's Prime Minister, Bibi Netanyahu.

Iran is NOT an "existential threat" to Israel; it is a financial threat, and therefore, Tel Aviv wants to see its government smashed to smithereens, and this country devolving into tiny statelets with utterly no economic clout whatsoever.

I would encourage the readers of this site to read presstv.com, an Iranian site in their English language version, as long as it remains available on line; the other thing I would suggest you do, and right the heck now, is find and download the following video: Don't Tell Mother I'm In Iran, a charming video by a Jewish videographer, about his visit to that country, and how the Jewish community is thriving in Iran; that is something else Tel Aviv doesn't want Americans knowing about, either.

Feb 08 20:03

Trump's Power Doubles After Absorbing Impeachment Attack

WASHINGTON, D.C.—"It's over, Pelosi! You've lost!" shouted a cackling Trump as he and the Speaker of the House hovered above the White House, locked in mortal combat. "You have no cards left to play!"

Pelosi, ragged and weary from battling her archnemesis for three years, managed a weak smile...........

Feb 08 19:56

To avoid more election confusion, DNC will release New Hampshire primary results ahead of actual vote

In an attempt to avoid the chaos that occurred in Iowa, which resulted in two days without a declared winner, the Democratic National Committee has decided to release the New Hampshire primary results days ahead of the February 11th vote.

Feb 08 19:50

FLASHBACK: Soldier dies from massive erection after firing .50-Cal for the first time

Rojas fired his full combat load before passing out due to the lack of blood and oxygen in his brain.

“He was liked by everybody in the unit. He always found a way to liven everyone’s spirits when training got tough. I know he was so excited to fire the .50-cal,” said Private Stephanie Taylor

Rojas’s death was regretted by his entire basic training company.

Feb 07 10:24

Pig Steals 18 Beers from Campers, Gets Drunk & Starts a Fight with Cow

And now for something completely different!

Feb 07 05:36

BOB HOPE VS DEMOCRAT ZOMBIES

Feb 06 08:23

Erdogan Says He Issued Ultimatum to Putin for Syria to Relinquish Gains or He’s Joining the War on AQ’s Side

I think Putin gave him an answer. His troops are now encircled.

Speaking to MPs from his party Erdogan said that in a recent telephone call with Putin he has issued a demand that the Russian President makes the Syrian army pull back to lines it held before the current Idlib offensive, as well as a preceding one carried out last August.

According to Erdogan he told Putin that if Russia will not make Syria retreat from its territory, the Turkish army and air force would. Again according to Erdogan’s word he has given the Russian president until the end of February to accomplish this.

Feb 05 05:05

Surprise Candidate Hiltasha Clintonov Declared Winner Of Iowa Caucuses

In an unexpected twist for the Democratic primaries, surprise candidate Hiltasha Clintonov, a dual citizen of the U.S. and Russia, has been declared the winner of the Iowa caucuses.

"In Iowa primary, Clintonov defeats you!" she declared in her triumphant victory speech through her thick Russian accent. "This result show that American people are ready for, how you say, diversity in White House."

She was then informed that you say it just as it is spelled, "diversity."

Putin has endorsed the candidate, saying he respects her ability to rig elections and also fears for his life. "Hiltasha Clintonov is best for America," he said, sweating bullets, as an anvil dangled conspicuously above his head. "We in Russia say, 'Yes!' to Clintonov. Please do not hurt us."

Feb 04 10:48

John Bolton’s PAC Money Dries Up as Top Republican Funders Shun Him Following Betrayal of Trump

What a Maroon! This idiot has great trouble seeing what consequences future actions may entail! That has been his whole career!

Neocon warmonger John Bolton betrayed President Donald Trump last week to promote his soon-to-be-released book, but he is learning that his disloyal and disreputable actions will have severe consequences.

Several of President Trump’s biggest and most influential supporters are on the war path against Bolton, making sure that his political action committee (PAC) and super PAC receives no funding from prominent Republican donors.

“You’re on the president’s side or you’re not. It’s simple,” said Arthur Schwartz, a GOP consultant closely tied to the Trump White House.

Jan 28 10:26

Despite Tens of Billions of Euros in Spending, German Troops Have to Train With Pretend Puma Panzers

The Trump administration has pressured Germany to significantly increase defence spending in recent years, with the country committing over €45 billion (about $50 billion) in spending for 2020. The country is already in the top ten in the world in terms of total military spending, with NATO alliance spending topping $1 trillion.

Jan 28 08:45

Kim Jong-Un’s Aunt Appears Alive After Six Years of Media Saying He Killed Her

The problem with these stories is that they largely emanate from one source: notorious conservative South Korean daily the Chosun Ilbo, which has a long and detailed history of printing lurid fake news. Yet Western press are dependent on the Chosun Ilbo for much of their reporting. As Business Insider said while falsely reporting that Kim Kyong-hui, aunt of Kim Jong-un was dead, “the Chosun Ilbo is generally considered a reliable source.”

Jan 27 16:07

Low Carbon Taillights

Jan 27 14:01

To save time Bernie will only declare things he doesn’t want to control from now on

Democratic socialist and Democratic favorite in the 2020 presidential primary Bernie Sanders has been on a tear recently, laying out all the things he wants to control when he becomes dictator president.

From what businesses pay employees to college expenses to health care, Bernie knows exactly how to run every aspect of your life and he’s making it clear.

But the list of aspects of your life he knows how to run is getting so long that he’s resigned himself to only list things he doesn’t want to control from now on.

As of the time of this publishing, Bernie doesn’t plan on controlling these aspects of your life when he becomes president:

The time you brush your teeth......

Jan 27 13:58

US and Taliban on Verge of Deal to Extend Afghanistan War Forever

The United States has agreed to sign a peace deal with the Taliban so long as the Taliban agrees to maintain a permanent state of war with the United States, officials from both sides announced today.

Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad, the U.S. envoy who has worked on the peace talks, outlined the new position during a press conference.

“Our only red line is that the U.S. does not have to withdraw its force from Afghanistan and we can keep fighting,” he told assembled reporters.

Jan 27 11:06

Ask anyone! (Cartoon)

Jan 27 10:06

But Hilary’s Email Tho

Jan 25 22:12

Clusterfuck Nation

You have to wonder how many Democratic senators spend the long hours of impeachment fantasizing how to end the misery of listening to Rep. Adam Schiff deliver the party’s funeral oration. Please God, hurl a lightning bolt at the podium… bring down a chunk of the fine old coffered ceiling where he stands and prates about a Russian invasion of Malibu… send a coral snake up the leg of his trousers…!

Jan 24 12:09

REPORT: Iran drops to 2nd in places that hate America behind #1 Portland, Oregon

Video uploaded to Twitter shows Iranian students attending Tehran’s Behesti University carefully walking around the United States and Israeli flags after they were painted on the pavement.

This small but important event reflects a broader change in attitude in the country and officially puts it below Portland, Oregon as the place that hates America most.

Jan 24 12:07

BREAKING: Schiff announces he has evidence so secret that he hasn’t even made it up yet

In a troubling turn of events for the Trump legal team, US Representative Adam Schiff is making a strong case for impeachment with super secret evidence that he says he, “hasn’t even made up yet.”

Jan 24 12:04

Ralph Northam: 'A Militia Assembling To Defend Their Rights Against Tyranny Is A Dangerous First In American History'

RICHMOND, VA—Governor Ralph Northam condemned the group of gun owners who assembled yesterday, calling the concept "simply un-American."

"A militia assembling to defend their rights against tyranny is a dangerous first in American history," he said to a group of reporters, still teary-eyed from the tragic lack of violence at yesterday's rally. "This is not what America was founded on. It is not what our forefathers would have wanted."

Jan 24 12:01

Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his opening statement at Trump's impeachment trial, Rep. Adam Schiff reminded the Senate of their solemn duty and the gravity of just what it is they will be discussing at the trial.

Schiff warned that if Trump is not impeached, the American people may have a chance to tamper with the next election.

"If President Trump is not impeached, the American people might get a say in who is president," Schiff said gravely. "We simply can't allow that to happen.

Jan 20 13:49

Media Offers Thoughts And Prayers That Someone Would Start Some Violence At Gun Rights Rally

U.S.—Somber members of the press offered their thoughts and prayers that someone would start some violence at the gun rights rally in Virginia today.

Reporters expressed their grief and condolences as the violence they hyped has so far failed to materialize.

"Nobody has so much as fired a shot. This is an unbelievable tragedy," said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter, clearly caught up in the anguish of the moment.

Jan 20 13:24

Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada.

His new boss told us, “There’s a lot of attention on Prince Harry at the moment. With that attention then demand for a Prince Harry look-alike increases. We’d had several applications but nobody that looked right. Then Prince Harry turned up and he was perfect. He can do the voice and everything. We’re sure he’ll be a success.”

Jan 20 11:06

DNC to take 90% of Bernie’s votes and redistribute them to less popular candidates

The new front-running candidate for the Democratic nominee, Bernie Sanders, is facing some new opposition.

The Democratic National Committee will be taking 90 percent of his primary votes and redistributing them to less popular candidates like Elizabeth Warren and Todd Steyer.

Jan 20 11:03

Marine Corps introduces maternity body armor

QUANTICO, Va. – After year of extensive testing, the Marine Corps announced it would begin issuing maternity body armor to expectant mothers and corpulent colonels by fiscal year 2021.

"It’s all about increasing readiness and deployability,” said Brig. Gen. Martin Preggers. “And lethality. For years we’ve been trying to make sure that our Marines never miss training. This new body armor will keep these knocked-up wooks in the fight.”

Jan 18 17:18

A Millennial Job Interview - YouTube

For a bit of levity. [ts]

Jan 10 09:44

Florida police were called for a woman screaming 'let me out.' It was a parrot.

PALM BEACH, FL — Deputies with the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office responded to reports of someone screaming for help at a neighbor’s home on Dec. 29, 2019.

Jan 09 20:17

Iran May Have a Fleet of Communist Killer Dolphins

Is it just me.....pun intended,or did somebody just jump the shark?

Iran has some surprising weapons at its disposal. In a 2002 U.S. military exercise that pitted Iran against an invasion from an American task force, the general in command of the opposition was retired Lt. Gen. Paul Van Riper. He used motorcycles, small fast-attack boats, land-based missile batteries and even suicide attacks against the Americans.

But he apparently forgot to use Iran's killer dolphin units.

Jan 09 11:16

Twitter banned the president of Syria and an Iranian leader.

Now an Iranian & American ambassador are arguing with each other on Weibo... In Chinese.

The Chinese internet has become the most uncensored environment for international political discussions.

Jan 06 19:46

‘No decision to leave Iraq’? Pentagon officials contradict each other over ‘poorly worded’ US withdrawal plan sent by ‘mistake’

Complete confusion reigned at the Pentagon after the publication of a letter about withdrawal from Iraq, with the top general describing it as a “mistake” and the Defense Secretary arguing there were no plans for the US pullout.

Jan 06 15:06

Mistakenly Sent Draft Letter Falsely Announces US Forces Preparing to Leave Iraq

Things are really getting interesting! Can you say mass confusion and failed State.

Milley said Monday the letter was "genuine," but had been sent by "mistake," noting it was an unsigned draft meant to underscore increased levels of troop movements.

US Secretary of Defense Mark Esper said Monday afternoon, "there's been no decision whatsoever to leave Iraq. Period."

Jan 05 10:17

Trump Asked To Please Stop Making 'Pew Pew' Noises Throughout Space Force Strategy Meeting

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a recent Space Force strategic meeting held at the White House, President Donald Trump was asked to please stop making “PEW, PEW, PEW” noises and playing with models of fictional starfighters.

Pompeo said, “And so I think that a Space Force accomplishes several obj—”

“PEW PEW PEW! I can’t shake em! Arrrgggg!!!” Trump interrupted as he simulated a dogfight between a Millennium Falcon model and several TIE fighter models used in the X-Wing Miniatures Game. “USE THE FORCE, HAN!”

Trump’s Secretary of State sighed and put his head in his hands. “Mr. President, can you please try to pay att—”

Jan 01 07:56

Buttigieg Calls For Decriminalizing Crime

SOUTH BEND, IN—2020 Democratic presidential hopeful and local mayor Pete Buttigieg recently recommended "decriminalizing crime."

Dec 31 19:06

Trump threatens Iran after attack on embassy compound: ‘They will pay a very BIG PRICE!’

In weather parlance a warning,like a tornado warning means there is one on the way,take cover. When the weather guy says a threat of tornadoes it just means maybe...... go have a beer. On Donald Trump's mayhem scale is a warning worse than a threat or does a threat Trump a warning?

Donald J. Trump
?
@realDonaldTrump
Replying to @realDonaldTrump

....Iran will be held fully responsible for lives lost, or damage incurred, at any of our facilities. They will pay a very BIG PRICE! This is not a Warning, it is a Threat. Happy New Year!
67.3K
1:19 PM - Dec 31, 2019
Twitter Ads info and privacy

27.3K people are talking about this

Dec 31 12:05

Trump: 'I Have Done More For Christianity Than Jesus'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to the Christianity Today editorial calling for his removal, Trump called the magazine a “left-wing rag” and said, “I have done more for Christianity than Jesus.”

“I mean, the name of the magazine is Christianity Today, and who is doing more for Christians today? Not Jesus. He disappeared; no one knows what happened to him. But I’m out there every day protecting churches from crazy liberals.”

Dec 31 12:02

5D Heaven Energy is here NOW!!

Editor’s Note: NOW is the time to BE who you really are, NOW is the time to resonate within the energy of Yourself, NOW is the time time practice and BE aware and awake of WHO YOU ARE.

BEcome the BEing you have always been, and BE…

InJoy!So, it is Time to start Being the 5D BEing that We are, and start living from our Hearts.

In this year 2020 there will be Massive NEW Energy. . . filled with NEW Codes of Information, Discoveries, Revelations, Compassion, Benevolence, Beauty, Magic and New Inventions.

In January 2020, there will be very Powerful Energy… very Powerful LIGHT Wave will be entering our Atmosphere and it will be fully felt around the 11th of January and will be moving through until January 22nd.

In the Spring of 2020, a Major Celestial Event is going to transpire on this planet making way for the long-awaited NEW Earth.

Dec 31 11:59

Jeffrey Epstein had plastic surgery and is alive and well in Cuba believes British journalist

Months after Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in a Manhattan jail cell, a British journalist now claims he has tracked down the sex offender who is now allegedly living in Cuba under a new identity.

Dec 31 11:57

Kuwait to become 51st State

WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a surprise press conference in the Rose Garden this morning, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham announced that the United States had annexed Kuwait, which will now be considered the 51st state.

Grisham assured reporters that the move would not affect ongoing military operations in country. “Disruption on the ground will be minimal,” she explained. “Kuwait already doesn’t count as a deployment, so this is really just an administrative change.”

Dec 31 11:54

Will Civil Partnership guarantee the same long term misery as marriage?

From today you can either get married, or have a ‘Civil Partnership.’ But the public are curious to see if the fancy new name will still ensure long term unhappiness.

The good news is that marriage experts believe that civil partners will still be able to feel the same misery, regret, and suffocation as married couples.

Dec 31 11:50

Charlize Theron begins transitioning son into Tyrannosaurus Rex

Hollywood actress and professional virtue signaler Charlize Theron is the perfect mother, treating her children exactly as they want to be treated when they’re three years old, because we all know that children know what’s best for them when they’re three.

“My child was a boy until, when he read the book, ‘I’m a T-Rex‘ and he told me, ‘that’s me! ROAR!’ and since then, we’ve been encouraging him to run around outside eating wild animals and bathing in a nearby lagoon.”

Dec 30 13:16

72 Killed Resisting Gun Confiscation in Boston

Boston – National Guard units seeking to confiscate a cache of recently banned assault weapons were ambushed by elements of a Para-military extremist faction. Military and law enforcement sources estimate that 72 were killed and more than 200 injured before government forces were compelled to withdraw.

Speaking after the clash, Massachusetts Governor Thomas Gage declared that the extremist faction, which was made up of local citizens, has links to the radical right-wing tax protest movement.

Gage blamed the extremists for recent incidents of vandalism directed against internal revenue offices. The governor, who described the group’s organizers as “criminals,” issued an executive order authorizing the summary arrest of any individual who has interfered with the government’s efforts to secure law and order.

Dec 30 13:08

Media Disappointed To Learn Armed Citizen Stopped Mass Shooting

U.S.—The nation's media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting.

"We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun," said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. "Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter."

Dec 20 08:48

Democrats chant ‘No one is above the law!’ after giving drivers licenses to illegal aliens

Thousands in New York and New Jersey marched in a “No One Is Above the Law” march as a show of condemnation for President Trump hours after the two states granted drivers licenses to illegal immigrants.

“The law is the law and everyone needs to follow it!” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said while marching in the important event. “That is of course, if it’s a law that we agree with and you’re from the United States. People who aren’t from here are above laws that we don’t like.”

Dec 20 08:46

Dems shocked to find their lives still suck after Trump impeachment

Many Democrats are flying high today after the culmination of more than three years’ of partisan work and straw-grasping ended in the House of Representatives voting to impeach President Donald Trump.

But some are coming back down to earth as they realize that the impeachment doesn’t mean that Trump has been removed from office, that it will likely get canceled when it goes for a vote in the Senate, and they’re still hopeless losers.

Dec 19 06:15

Donald Trump Impeachment – 10 Memes Spoiling The Democrat “Victory”

Donald Trump impeachment? Yes, it has really happened.

But if you scrolled through Twitter within hours or minutes of the vote, you would think that young Democrats thought he was actually being removed from office. (And to be fair, a lot of Republicans young and old thought their commander-in-chief was a goner too.)

That is not how impeachment works.

Dec 18 17:10

Why a medieval peasant got more vacation time than you

The Lord only took 1/3 off the top,they worked only 150 days a year. Serfs drank beer all year round and also had entertainment. Other than a few plagues,The Black Death, the Vikings, a dozen Crusades and that 100 year war thing that lasted for 116 years,a better deal than what we get today.

Plowing and harvesting were backbreaking toil, but the peasant enjoyed anywhere from eight weeks to half the year off. The Church, mindful of how to keep a population from rebelling, enforced frequent mandatory holidays. Weddings, wakes and births might mean a week off quaffing ale to celebrate, and when wandering jugglers or sporting events came to town, the peasant expected time off for entertainment.

http://www.lostkingdom.net/the-life-of-a-villager-during-the-middle-ages/

Dec 16 14:47

Black Antisemitic Terror Blamed on Whites

There are Chabad connections in many of these shootings. Remember Broward?

On December 10, a spectacular hrs-long gun battle took place, most of it at the Jewish JC Kosher market in Jersey City, New Jersey USA. A witness said the shooters came "ready to kill."

Palestinian-American USA Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib, at first tweeted the Kosher Market shooting attack was another case where "white supremacy kills", even though the attackers were quickly identified as black ... the theory being that it is whites who have created the 'killing culture', and can always be blamed even if no whites are involved.

Chabad New Jersey Chief Rabbi Moshe Shapiro, was reported as being in the kosher store when the shooting there began.

Dec 15 03:52

I'm Still Trying To Figure Out How Hillary Lost The Election

Gee I just can’t seem to put my finger on it…
—Author unknown

Dec 11 18:56

Pete Buttigieg Admits Only Recently Realizing Black People Can Vote

SOUTH BEND, IN—In response to recent criticism of his campaign and political record, Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg admitted Monday that he only recently realized that black people can vote.

Dec 11 18:45

Greta Thunberg has been named Time’s Puppet of the Year for 2019

16-year-old Swedish environmental activist Greta Thunberg has been named Time’s Puppet of the Year for 2019.

Dec 11 18:07

Trump wants Eddie Gallagher ‘to do that watermelon-smash thing’ at White House

WASHINGTON — According to Pentagon officials, President Donald Trump continued to express his unwavering support for controversial Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher today by inviting him to “do that watermelon smashing thing” at the White House.

Dec 11 18:03

Queen searching for another Latin term that means ‘Wank Year’ for her speech

The Queen is trawling through the thesaurus section on her laptop to find another fancy way of saying Annus horribilis after another royally shit year.

Dec 11 17:57

Hillary Clinton Releases DNA Test Results Proving She's Only Half Lizard Person

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after Elizabeth Warren released a DNA test that may or may not show that she is 1/1024th Native American, failed presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton showed the results of a recent DNA test that conclusively proved she is only 50% Reptilian.

Dec 11 06:21

PolitiZoid: Schiff Hits the Fan

Dec 07 10:33

Man Gets Walmart Worker To Page A ‘Mr. Clinton KilldEpstein’ On Video

A man pranked a Walmart customer service worker into paging a “Mr. Clinton KilldEpstein” to meet his “party at the grocery entrance.”

Hilarity ensued, at least for anyone into speculating that perhaps serial rapist Jeffrey Epstein may not have met his untimely demise in that jail cell last August all by his lonesome.

Dec 05 14:42

House Hears Testimony From Renowned, Unbiased Legal Scholar Hillga Clintonheimer

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an effort to prove that impeachment is constitutionally sound and definitely not a politically motivated circus performance, Rep. Jerrold Nadler called on his final witness of the day: renowned legal scholar Hillga Clintonheimmer.

Dec 05 14:38

Drunk demolition worker arrested after blowing up the wrong building

An explosive expert was arrested this morning in Greenville, North Carolina after he set more than 5 tons of TNT in the wrong building and blew it up.

Dec 05 14:30

Schiff to proceed with second impeachment over ‘improper destruction of mattress tags’

As impeachment attempt bombs, Rep. Adam Schiff is proceeding with a second impeachment of President Trump over collusion with Russia on improper destruction of mattress tags in 1998.

As recent polling indicates that the Democrats coup attempt (also known as “impeachment”) is failing and an increasing number of taxpaying voters polled believe it is a stupid waste of time and money, Representative Adam Schiff shared a new, bombshell revelation.

Dec 05 14:21

Cold weather training canceled due to snowstorm

I think this is humor/satire.

ANCHORAGE, Ak. — Cold weather endurance and survival training were recently canceled for a battalion of the 3d Cavalry Regiment due to a snowstorm that hit the Anchorage area.

The recent snowstorm and vehicle trouble have not been the only hindrances to the training, however, according to Cpl. Martin Brown.

“Supply sent us up here with two pallets of regular MREs, instead of the cold weather ones, and they’re frozen solid. First sergeant said to put ’em in our sleeping bags with us at night to thaw, but guys are getting frostbite on their junk because of it,” Brown said.

Nov 28 07:50

Pardoned Turkey Found Dead After Claiming To Have Dirt On Hillary Clinton

A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today.

The official cause of death was suicide, though the bullet wounds were in the back of the turkey's head and the bird lacked opposable thumbs with which to operate a firearm.

The turkey had been publicly pardoned for the crime of being delicious and set free by Trump in a popular White House Thanksgiving tradition. Shortly after being released, the turkey confirmed its possession of "credible" information that would lead to the indictment of Hillary Clinton, posting on the bird's social media account that it was a good thing Trump had pardoned the turkey, so the world could find the truth out about the Clintons.

Webmaster's Commentary: 

Nov 28 05:31

ISRAELI GOVERNMENT TO EXPAND GLOBAL ARMS EXPORTS IN 2020

SOURCE: MIDDLE EAST MONITOR
The Israeli government is aiming to increase the volume of Israel’s defence exports, reported Globes, which has revealed the main points of the plan for the first time.

The project, being overseen by the Defence Ministry’s International Defence Cooperation Directorate (SIBAT) led by Brigadier General (Res.) Yair Kulas, will begin to be rolled out in early 2020.

According to Globes, the plan is based on “focused seminars for senior commanders in foreign armies”, Israeli military “assistance for promoting sales of Israeli weapons”, and “subsidising small and medium-sized defence companies seeking to sell arms around the world”.

Speaking this week, Kulas said that SIBAT favours a major expansion of agreements between countries, resulting in significant deals for the large defence companies, especially Elbit Systems, Israel Aerospace Industries (IAI) and Rafael Advanced Defence Systems.

Webmaster's Commentary: 

Color me unsurprised at this development; but one has to wonder how Israeli weaponry really stands up to that of China or Russia, at this point?!?

Nov 25 08:15

2019 interview with Socrates: ‘Relax, humans. Virtue will win when its season comes. Neither underestimate nor overestimate your co-creative power.’ (10 of ?)

"Socrates" and I discuss that under the enormity of "official" propaganda, ordinary humans cannot discern fact from spin, or good from evil.

Humans will continue to exist as livestock for .01% psychopaths without further help.

This help might come from White Hats, an exponential growth curve yet unrecognized, or an unpredictable source. But without some breakthrough, human history is likely to continue as it has: ongoing empires using humans as work animals and slaves.

Nov 21 16:17

Next Impeachment Star Witness: Sgt. Schultz

Corrupt Adam Shifty Schiff's Schitt Show should have ended on Friday, November 15, 2019.

Based on sworn testimony by a handful of 'key material witnesses' – minus the alleged whistleblower who never was a whistleblower but rather a purveyor of 2nd and 3rd hand hearsay – it's over folks. A non-whistleblower who will not testify which should tell even the most rabid Trump haters something is very wrong here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34ag4nkSh7Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmzsWxPLIOo

Nov 21 16:06

Poll: Majority Want Impeachment Hearings To Continue As Long As Possible So Congress Will Be Too Busy To Meddle With Our Lives

U.S.—A new poll released Wednesday revealed that the majority of the nation want impeachment hearings to continue as long as possible so that Congress will be too busy to meddle with our lives.

Nov 19 19:07

Ocasio-Cortez finally agrees: ‘Einstein didn’t kill himself’

First-term firebrand Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come out in support of what many are calling obvious truth: “Einstein didn’t kill himself.”

Nov 19 19:04

Hero dog declines White House invitation

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Trump administration announced this week Conan, the hero canine of the US raid that killed ISIS leader and austere religious scholar Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, would receive a VIP visit to the White House next week. Sources close to the canine report Conan may have other plans.

Nov 19 18:58

Hillary Clinton Says She Is Being Urged To Run By Many, Many, Many Voices In Her Head

UK—In an interview with the BBC, Hillary Clinton said she is being urged to run for president in 2020 by "many, many, many" voices in her head.

"I'm under enormous pressure from many, many, many voices in my head to think about it," she said.

Nov 19 17:39

Prince Andrew being treated for dementia

November 16, 2019

Sadly, Cutting News has learned that Prince Andrew is being treated for dementia, which might explain why he can’t remember nobbin that girl a few years ago.

Nov 19 14:54

The Wreck called Hillary Clinton

Nov 18 18:43

Transspecies man abandons family to live naked in the forest as a squirrel

A man who describes himself as an “animal stuck inside a human body” has decided to abandon his wife and children to live the life of a squirrel in the woods.

Alan Meyers, an electrician and father of two from Dyersburg in Tennessee, has always described himself as a squirrel stuck in a man’s body and has been for years a militant of the transspecies movement.

Mr. Meyers was diagnosed with a condition called clinical lycanthropy, a rare psychiatric syndrome that involves a delusion that the affected person can transform into, has transformed into, or is a non-human animal.

Nov 18 11:52

BadFellas

Nov 15 21:46

General not allowed to take emotional support mistress on deployment

Air Force
General not allowed to take emotional support mistress on deployment
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade

JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO, Texas – A heartbreaking scene unfolded today at an Air Mobility Command terminal when staff told a general he would not be able to deploy with his emotional support mistress.

As the general waited to board a plane with the young captain sitting on his lap, an airman working at the gate asked for a note from a military doctor and the captain’s immunization records. When the general could not produce the required paperwork, the general was informed she would have to leave the aircraft..

Nov 15 17:43

Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint

WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?”

Nov 15 17:29

Bear Steals 36 Beers From Campers, Gets Drunk & Passes Out Until Rangers Come

Bear Steals 36 Beers From Campers

According to the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife, a black bear was found passed out on the lawn of the Swift Creek Campground due to drinking a 36-pack of beers.

Nov 14 10:13

Greta Thunberg Defeats Climate Change

Original satire

Nov 13 22:15

Schwarzenegger meets real life cyborg sent back in time to kill off humanity

Terminator actor Arnold Schwarzenegger had the opportunity recently to meet a real life cyborg sent back in time to kill off humanity, Greta Thunberg. The actor and former governor of California felt privileged for the once in a lifetime meeting.

“It was a pleasure to meet with such a hero,” Schwarzenegger said. “I only just met Greta but I feel like I know her so well since I played a similar role in the Terminator films.”

Nov 13 21:10

BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef

A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein‘s pedophile island for $56 million. The purchase comes months after the controversial financier committed suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail.

Not much is known about Muhssef except that he has many ties to the same people that Jeffrey Epstein did.

Nov 11 12:09

Your True Self is beyond Space, Time and Causation. It is IMMUNE to Every Danger of Every Kind.

NO MATTER WHAT you may think, there are only two directions you can go in; up or down. You might say that you can go to either side, or back and forth. With the former... ALL STRAIGHT LINES become circular. With the latter you are in stasis limbo. SO... The energy of your being is either MOVING OUT or MOVING IN. You can haggle about the terms I am using and whether 'in and out' would qualify as 'up and down'. Let's just put this all down as allegory. Of course, you can haggle about anything and some people do. I don't haggle and I don't argue. It is what it is. I would rather get to the heart, of the truth, of the matter, or nowhere at all. There is no Option B. You may have more than one option, I do not.

Nov 10 12:31

"The Kingdom of Heaven is Within you and It Begins where Your Feet Touch the Earth."

Dog Poet Transmitting.......

I know there are many people, especially in the organized religions, who imagine they are going to some Heaven, upon their departure from this plane of existence. The more and more pronounced materialism gets, the more backwards and upside down the general understanding and values trend. The body is the least important aspect of our being and that part most celebrated, in time of material darkness, which is why sybaritic and hedonistic behavior becomes so pervasive. When a culture reaches a certain stage, it begins to kill itself. It commits suicide. I've seen no exceptions to this. The way it usually kills itself, is through excess, dissipation, sexual perversity and chemical poisoning. Aberrant and undisciplined lifestyles result in epidemic health concerns and it is all round to be seen.

Nov 09 20:46

Wisconsin man accused of driving while drunk with a live chicken

And chickens. I think the chicken is unaffiliated politically.However the bird may have been drinking.

Police in Wisconsin arrested two men and a chicken last weekend. Earlier in the day, someone had called police after seeing a man driving recklessly with a bird or a hawk on his shoulder. Police found the car and that bird or hawk was actually a chicken

Nov 07 15:03

How Women Have Changed Over The Years

Maas's photo was featured

Nov 05 18:48

Boston: Members of Midget Crime Gang Suspected of 55 Break-ins

Boston, MA | Three members of the so-called Irish mob midgets, a Boston-based criminal organization composed of people of short stature, have been arrested this morning reports the Boston Chronicle.

Nov 05 18:39

Bill Clinton: Epstein's Cause Of Death Depends On What Your Definition Of 'Suicide' Is

"Did Epstein commit suicide?" asked an attendee at the event.

A wide-eyed Clinton shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, it really depends on what your definition of suicide is, heh."

An awkward silence ensued. Bill turned to look at Hillary for support, but she just glared at him and ran her finger across her throat, a metaphor that means "death."

Nov 05 18:35

NYC Opens $500 Million Decoy Subway Station To Catch Turnstile Jumpers

NEW YORK—In a new effort by the MTA and law enforcement to crack down on fare evasion, New York City reportedly opened a $500 million decoy subway station this week to catch turnstile jumpers. “This sprawling, state-of-the-art station will have all the sights and sounds of a regular terminal, including turnstiles that will not accept MetroCards regardless of their available balance, increasing the likelihood of attempts to avoid payment,” said MTA project manager Greg Langdon, adding that the act of fare evasion would cause the floor to open up, sending the commuter down a chute connected to a windowless underground holding cell.

Nov 05 18:32

A 31yr Old Man Identifies Himself As A 10yr Old PeeWee Football Player, Smashes All Kinds Of Records.

Wichita Falls, TEXAS – A local 31yr old man is getting a lot of media attention in Wichita Falls, Texas. The reason is because the 31yr old has identifies himself as a 10yr old pee-wee football player. Marvin Burks first identified himself as a 10 year old last year and tried to enroll into Barwise Junior High.

After not being able to enroll into Barwise Junior High, Burks signed up for pee-wee football. His argument was that he identified as a 10yr old football player. After all, other sports were allowing it as well. A man recently identified as a woman bicyclist and smashed the all time record. So how was this any different?

Nov 04 22:33

The Incredible Shrinking Overton Window

The plutocrat-owned narrative managers of the political/media class work constantly to shrink the Overton window, the spectrum of debate that is considered socially acceptable. They do this by framing more and more debates in terms of how the oligarchic empire should be sustained and supported, steering them away from debates about whether that empire should be permitted to exist at all.

They get people debating whether there should be some moderate changes made or no meaningful changes at all, rather than the massive, sweeping changes we all know need to be made to the entire system.

Nov 04 19:05

Desperate Humanity Sends Killer Robot Back In Time To Stop All These Terminator Sequels From Being Made

U.S.—Everyone agrees it is a bleak and hopeless post-apocalyptic hellscape we are living in nowadays. Not from the Trump administration or anything, but because of all these Terminator sequels.

SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA