A man pranked a Walmart customer service worker into paging a “Mr. Clinton KilldEpstein” to meet his “party at the grocery entrance.”

Hilarity ensued, at least for anyone into speculating that perhaps serial rapist Jeffrey Epstein may not have met his untimely demise in that jail cell last August all by his lonesome.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an effort to prove that impeachment is constitutionally sound and definitely not a politically motivated circus performance, Rep. Jerrold Nadler called on his final witness of the day: renowned legal scholar Hillga Clintonheimmer.

An explosive expert was arrested this morning in Greenville, North Carolina after he set more than 5 tons of TNT in the wrong building and blew it up.

As impeachment attempt bombs, Rep. Adam Schiff is proceeding with a second impeachment of President Trump over collusion with Russia on improper destruction of mattress tags in 1998.

As recent polling indicates that the Democrats coup attempt (also known as “impeachment”) is failing and an increasing number of taxpaying voters polled believe it is a stupid waste of time and money, Representative Adam Schiff shared a new, bombshell revelation.

Prince Andrew is furious with Virginia Giuffre, after she claimed that his abuse of her didn’t last very long.

I think this is humor/satire.

ANCHORAGE, Ak. — Cold weather endurance and survival training were recently canceled for a battalion of the 3d Cavalry Regiment due to a snowstorm that hit the Anchorage area.

The recent snowstorm and vehicle trouble have not been the only hindrances to the training, however, according to Cpl. Martin Brown.

“Supply sent us up here with two pallets of regular MREs, instead of the cold weather ones, and they’re frozen solid. First sergeant said to put ’em in our sleeping bags with us at night to thaw, but guys are getting frostbite on their junk because of it,” Brown said.

"Socrates" and I discuss that under the enormity of "official" propaganda, ordinary humans cannot discern fact from spin, or good from evil.

Humans will continue to exist as livestock for .01% psychopaths without further help.

This help might come from White Hats, an exponential growth curve yet unrecognized, or an unpredictable source. But without some breakthrough, human history is likely to continue as it has: ongoing empires using humans as work animals and slaves.

Corrupt Adam Shifty Schiff's Schitt Show should have ended on Friday, November 15, 2019.

Based on sworn testimony by a handful of 'key material witnesses' – minus the alleged whistleblower who never was a whistleblower but rather a purveyor of 2nd and 3rd hand hearsay – it's over folks. A non-whistleblower who will not testify which should tell even the most rabid Trump haters something is very wrong here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34ag4nkSh7Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmzsWxPLIOo

U.S.—A new poll released Wednesday revealed that the majority of the nation want impeachment hearings to continue as long as possible so that Congress will be too busy to meddle with our lives.

First-term firebrand Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come out in support of what many are calling obvious truth: “Einstein didn’t kill himself.”

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Trump administration announced this week Conan, the hero canine of the US raid that killed ISIS leader and austere religious scholar Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, would receive a VIP visit to the White House next week. Sources close to the canine report Conan may have other plans.

UK—In an interview with the BBC, Hillary Clinton said she is being urged to run for president in 2020 by "many, many, many" voices in her head.

"I'm under enormous pressure from many, many, many voices in my head to think about it," she said.

November 16, 2019

Sadly, Cutting News has learned that Prince Andrew is being treated for dementia, which might explain why he can’t remember nobbin that girl a few years ago.

A man who describes himself as an “animal stuck inside a human body” has decided to abandon his wife and children to live the life of a squirrel in the woods.

Alan Meyers, an electrician and father of two from Dyersburg in Tennessee, has always described himself as a squirrel stuck in a man’s body and has been for years a militant of the transspecies movement.

Mr. Meyers was diagnosed with a condition called clinical lycanthropy, a rare psychiatric syndrome that involves a delusion that the affected person can transform into, has transformed into, or is a non-human animal.

Air Force
General not allowed to take emotional support mistress on deployment
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade

JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO, Texas – A heartbreaking scene unfolded today at an Air Mobility Command terminal when staff told a general he would not be able to deploy with his emotional support mistress.

As the general waited to board a plane with the young captain sitting on his lap, an airman working at the gate asked for a note from a military doctor and the captain’s immunization records. When the general could not produce the required paperwork, the general was informed she would have to leave the aircraft..

WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?”

Bear Steals 36 Beers From Campers

According to the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife, a black bear was found passed out on the lawn of the Swift Creek Campground due to drinking a 36-pack of beers.

Original satire

Terminator actor Arnold Schwarzenegger had the opportunity recently to meet a real life cyborg sent back in time to kill off humanity, Greta Thunberg. The actor and former governor of California felt privileged for the once in a lifetime meeting.

“It was a pleasure to meet with such a hero,” Schwarzenegger said. “I only just met Greta but I feel like I know her so well since I played a similar role in the Terminator films.”

A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein‘s pedophile island for $56 million. The purchase comes months after the controversial financier committed suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail.

Not much is known about Muhssef except that he has many ties to the same people that Jeffrey Epstein did.

NO MATTER WHAT you may think, there are only two directions you can go in; up or down. You might say that you can go to either side, or back and forth. With the former... ALL STRAIGHT LINES become circular. With the latter you are in stasis limbo. SO... The energy of your being is either MOVING OUT or MOVING IN. You can haggle about the terms I am using and whether 'in and out' would qualify as 'up and down'. Let's just put this all down as allegory. Of course, you can haggle about anything and some people do. I don't haggle and I don't argue. It is what it is. I would rather get to the heart, of the truth, of the matter, or nowhere at all. There is no Option B. You may have more than one option, I do not.

Dog Poet Transmitting.......

I know there are many people, especially in the organized religions, who imagine they are going to some Heaven, upon their departure from this plane of existence. The more and more pronounced materialism gets, the more backwards and upside down the general understanding and values trend. The body is the least important aspect of our being and that part most celebrated, in time of material darkness, which is why sybaritic and hedonistic behavior becomes so pervasive. When a culture reaches a certain stage, it begins to kill itself. It commits suicide. I've seen no exceptions to this. The way it usually kills itself, is through excess, dissipation, sexual perversity and chemical poisoning. Aberrant and undisciplined lifestyles result in epidemic health concerns and it is all round to be seen.

And chickens. I think the chicken is unaffiliated politically.However the bird may have been drinking.

Police in Wisconsin arrested two men and a chicken last weekend. Earlier in the day, someone had called police after seeing a man driving recklessly with a bird or a hawk on his shoulder. Police found the car and that bird or hawk was actually a chicken

Maas's photo was featured

Boston, MA | Three members of the so-called Irish mob midgets, a Boston-based criminal organization composed of people of short stature, have been arrested this morning reports the Boston Chronicle.

"Did Epstein commit suicide?" asked an attendee at the event.

A wide-eyed Clinton shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, it really depends on what your definition of suicide is, heh."

An awkward silence ensued. Bill turned to look at Hillary for support, but she just glared at him and ran her finger across her throat, a metaphor that means "death."

NEW YORK—In a new effort by the MTA and law enforcement to crack down on fare evasion, New York City reportedly opened a $500 million decoy subway station this week to catch turnstile jumpers. “This sprawling, state-of-the-art station will have all the sights and sounds of a regular terminal, including turnstiles that will not accept MetroCards regardless of their available balance, increasing the likelihood of attempts to avoid payment,” said MTA project manager Greg Langdon, adding that the act of fare evasion would cause the floor to open up, sending the commuter down a chute connected to a windowless underground holding cell.

Wichita Falls, TEXAS – A local 31yr old man is getting a lot of media attention in Wichita Falls, Texas. The reason is because the 31yr old has identifies himself as a 10yr old pee-wee football player. Marvin Burks first identified himself as a 10 year old last year and tried to enroll into Barwise Junior High.

After not being able to enroll into Barwise Junior High, Burks signed up for pee-wee football. His argument was that he identified as a 10yr old football player. After all, other sports were allowing it as well. A man recently identified as a woman bicyclist and smashed the all time record. So how was this any different?

The plutocrat-owned narrative managers of the political/media class work constantly to shrink the Overton window, the spectrum of debate that is considered socially acceptable. They do this by framing more and more debates in terms of how the oligarchic empire should be sustained and supported, steering them away from debates about whether that empire should be permitted to exist at all.

They get people debating whether there should be some moderate changes made or no meaningful changes at all, rather than the massive, sweeping changes we all know need to be made to the entire system.

U.S.—Everyone agrees it is a bleak and hopeless post-apocalyptic hellscape we are living in nowadays. Not from the Trump administration or anything, but because of all these Terminator sequels.

This is a story you can really sink your teeth into. Get right to the meat of it and have a good chew.

A knife-wielding man slashed several people and bit off part of the ear of a pro-democracy politician in Hong Kong on Sunday,

WASHINGTON—Raising further questions about Donald Trump’s July call to Ukraine’s president Volodymyr Zelensky, national security expert Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman testified Tuesday that the White House’s transcript of the conversation left out lengthy sections of Trump bragging about the time he was in a commercial for Pizza Hut.

We didn’t realize at first that we were working with a Russian “roof,” otherwise known as a Russian mafia. We didn’t even know what one was – – –

Think of someone as an enemy and you will treat them as an enemy. Reacting to your treatment, they will treat you likewise.

By the way it keeps treating Russia and Russians, it’s clear the Deep State desperately wants Russia as it’s enemy and essential villain.

Unabashed gun-rights activist and enthusiastic fan of America Maria Butina, for example. Although created into a promiscuous Russian spy by the lascivious presstitutes of our fully owned CIA subsidiary the MSM, the best the “Justice” Department branch could do was plea-blackmail her into an “Unregistered Lobbyist.”

SACRAMENTO, CA—As California authorities scramble to deal with the unprecedented destruction wrought by the rash of wildfires across the state, the legislature has announced a foolproof plan to get rid of the devastating fires. The legislature will sharply increase taxes on the fires each and every year until they finally have had enough and agree to move to a more fire-friendly state.

Political satire

Les is on a rant. Get outa Kali....

These Djinns are being whipped up in Kalifornia and instead of attributing this to HAARP and the rest to covert energy weapons and the Deep State, I'm going to say it is all in the order of a warning. It is a WARNING to leave Kalifornia, most especially the coastal area and these warnings have been coming for some time and they are increasing in severity and doing it exponentially.

It's not just the wild weather in Kalifornia, the natural disasters, the airhead dreamer, superficial, air kissing, good life junkies. It is also the thousands of homeless, shitting and pissing on the streets, shooting up drugs and the diseases that culture brings but even more... it's the political leaders indifference and inability to do anything about any of it.

Satire

The US got rid of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s body mere hours after a swift DNA test confirmed the terrorist’s identity, Pentagon officials said, adding that all evidence of the raid and his burial at sea remains classified

Here's one for you animal lovers! Is it just me or are they stackin it really high?

In this photo provided by the White House via the Twitter account of President Donald Trump after it was declassified by Trump, a photo of the military working dog that was injured tracking down Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi in a tunnel beneath his compound in Syria.

ISLAMIC STATE leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has congratulated allied forces for a coordinated air strike in Syria yesterday afternoon, which left him dead and unable to live.

The world’s most wanted terrorist was killed on Sunday for a third time in the space of two years, and is expected to stay dead for at least another 12 to 18 months.

Great Article on the SR-71 with lots of pics. Check out a very funny couple of paragraphs at the bottom of the article.

My Gosh! Al Bagdaddy has more lives than a cat! LOL!
Baghdadi, who rarely appears in public, often declared dead or injured since inception of Isis in 2014.

Russia is investigating whether one of its air strikes killed Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, leader of Isis. The ministry of defence said that an air strike hit a meeting of Isis leaders in Raqqa, Syria, on 28 May.
In the most recent instance, Syrian state TV said on 11 June that Baghdadi had been killed after being caught in a heavy artillery barrage in Raqqa, which Isis captured in 2014.

In October 2016, reports claimed Baghdadi was in critical condition after he and three other Isis senior leaders had been poisoned.

The Border crossing between Iraq and Syria is now open. In due time the US base at Al Tanf will be closed and evacuated and we will be out of Syria.
Russia,Iraq and Iran will have access to the Med. China will build railroad and highway links and pipelines through Syria to the Med and another part of the Silk Road will be completed.

US President Donald Trump says he’ll lift sanctions on Turkey, unless he’s “not happy” with its actions in northern Syria, as he took complete credit for “saving” of Kurds, claiming the outcome was created by “no other nation."

Trump said Turkey had confirmed that it would make an earlier five-day ceasefire permanent and that it was holding "very well" so far.

He said the US would welcome the help of other countries in dealing with the conflict, adding that a "small number" of US troops would remain in the area "where they have the oil."

Tulsi is more controlled opposition. Hates the 2nd amendment. Voted with Israel on the BDS resolution. In favor of illegal immigration. In favor of abortion. In favor of LGBTQ.Believes in climate change and global warming. And pals around with Portland Antifas. Here she gives the Il Corno Satanic hand gesture. Meet the New Boss,Same as the Old Boss!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_positions_of_Tulsi_Gabbard

It's bad Popp on another rant!

But Giulia Simolo will never admit it.
Watch the more revealing version here! https://www.bitchute.com/video/9rrySh...

The article on Bolde
https://www.bolde.com/perfect-guy-req...

Can you say dumber than a box of rocks!
To be a politician in America you must have an IQ matching the temperature of an ice cube!

Governor Mike Dunleavy said he was aware of Moscow’s plan to stage an independence referendum to reclaim Alaska, and promised to arrange a gold nugget for the visiting Ukrainian leader, in a phone call with Russian pranksters.

The duo of pranksters informed Dunleavy of a sinister plan, masterminded by the Kremlin, to reclaim Alaska.

The two tricksters behind the prank, Alexey Stolyarov and Vladimir Kuznetsov, otherwise known as Lexus and Vovan, have made a name for themselves with a series of phone pranks on high-profile officials, previously getting over on French President Emmanuel Macron, Democratic Congressman Adam Schiff, as well as former US Ambassador to the UN Nikki Haley, then UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson and hawkish US special envoy to Venezuela Elliott Abrams.

U.S.—Antifa factions nationwide had planned a “deface Columbus day,” on which they intended to deface and destroy statues of Christopher Columbus Monday, but authorities in many cities got the better of the radical far-left groups with a brilliant idea: by adhering legitimate job applications all over their local Columbus statues, they virtually guaranteed that Antifa groups would not approach them.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, and House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer all stormed out of the meeting on Syria with President Donald Trump, each side accusing the other of being “unhinged.” Apparently, the meeting broke down when Trump suggested they all order lunch and get “sandwiches.” When asked what type of sandwich he wanted, Trump suggested “hot dogs.”

Turkey agrees to Syria ceasefire

The Brits are fighting back now. They have had enough of the Sor's bought and paid for bums disrupting their lives!
Wish Americans would grow a set and do the same!

Extinction Rebellion protesters attempting to bring the London Underground subway system to a halt by climbing on top of trains got a sense of how much support they enjoy among ordinary members of the public when angry commuters pelted them with rubbish and physically dragged them back to the platform.

Popp is on a rant!

But guess who still gets blamed for it?! Well done, Cornell University.
The article detailing the study: https://www.studyfinds.org/why-are-ma...

IMHO! They are both more than a few bricks shy of a load!

Although in most of their public appearances, mother Hillary and daughter Chelsea, seem to be doing their best to present a united liberal front, demonstrating how similar their train of thought is, there seems to be something they don’t quite see eye to eye on – a “woman” with a penis.

Don’t have a cow, man - unless it's at Petco.

A leashed steer was recently brought into a Houston-area Petco to test the store's welcome policy for pets.

All he got was a pain in the ass!

A Florida man who allegedly stole drugs from a Pinellas County home thought he was pocketing powerful opioids – but what he actually stole left him flushed.

Oct. 9 (UPI) -- A Pittsburgh woman who detected a burning odor and heard a strange noise while driving her car looked under the hood and discovered a squirrel had stashed grass and more than 200 walnuts on top of her engine.

Attorney Greg Jarrett recently wrote, “It is Pelosi and Schiff who are abusing the power of impeachment in their latest ‘witch hunt.’” This is wildly historically inaccurate. Jarrett should immediately apologize to the memory of the prosecutors of the 17th-century Massachusetts witch trials.

This is because House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Rep. Adam Schiff are currently running their Ukraine impeachment farce with far less due process than the superstitious and backwards legal system offered the “witches” of Salem.

Below are a few examples of how Jarrett has unfairly slandered the jurisprudence of 17th-century Massachusetts.

By John J. Baeza
I retired from the NYPD and moved to Florida like many NYC policemen and firemen do- there is no state income tax here and it doesn’t snow. I decided I needed a job so I worked for a local Sheriff’s office for three years.

Policemen always have their hands full when they deal with emotionally disturbed persons (EDP’s in NYPD parlance). It was no different in south Florida.

So here we go. Like a 1960s straight-to-drive-in Hammer Film Production, the 2020 campaign season has begun. Dig into your bucket of popcorn, pop the flap on your box of Good & Plenty, turn off your mind, and enjoy the show. From the looks of the trailer, it’s going to be a doozy.

That’s right, folks, it’s the final installment of the popular Trumpenstein horror movie series, TRUMPENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED! It will be playing, more or less around the clock, on more or less every screen in existence, until November 3, 2020 … or until Trump takes that lonely walk across the White House lawn to the Marine One chopper and flies off to Mar-a-Lago in disgrace.

It’s an insult to real whistleblowers to use the term with the Ukrainegate protagonist

By MATT TAIBBI: The unnamed person at the center of this story sure didn’t sound like a whistleblower. Our intelligence community wouldn’t wipe its ass with a real whistleblower.

Americans who’ve blown the whistle over serious offenses by the federal government either spend the rest of their lives overseas, like Edward Snowden, end up in jail, like Chelsea Manning, get arrested and ruined financially, like former NSA official Thomas Drake, have their homes raided by FBI like disabled NSA vet William Binney, or get charged with espionage like ex-CIA exposer-of-torture John Kiriakou. It’s an insult to all of these people, and the suffering they’ve weathered, to frame the ballcarrier in the Beltway’s latest partisan power contest as a whistleblower.

In other news.

An Alabama woman concerned that her methamphetamine may have been tainted with another drug asked police to test her stash, a service request that resulted in her arrest for possession of a controlled substance.

Cops report that Jennifer Colyne Hall, 48, called police dispatch Wednesday seeking assistance.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
https://www.azquotes.com/quote/479122

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
https://www.azquotes.com/author/9562-Groucho_Marx

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.
https://humoropedia.com/groucho-marx-quotes/

As writer or thinker, Jack London can’t touch George Orwell, but he’s nearly the Brit’s equal when it comes to describing society’s bottom. To both, being a writer is as much a physical as an intellectual endeavor. Wading into everything, they braved all discomforts and dangers. This attitude has become very rare, and not just among writers. Trapped in intensely mediated lives, we all think we know more as we experience less and less.

London’s most enduring book may turn out to be The People of the Abyss, his 1903 investigation into the abjectly impoverished of London’s East End.

Dressed accordingly, London joined its homeless to see how they survived. With a 58-year-old carter and a 65-year-old carpenter, London wandered the cold streets, “From the slimy, spittle-drenched, sidewalk, they were picking up bits of orange peel, apple skin, and grape stems, and, they were eating them.

Sept. 24 (UPI) -- A British Columbia man who was on vacation when he received a phone call from a neighbor about a possible break-in returned home to find a group of raccoons had broken through his ceiling and ransacked the house.

Televangelism used to be where the easy money was . . . preaching about the End Times – which never came – and promising salvation, for a fee.

Put your hands on the television set and pray with me!

Insert tongue-talking gibberish here . . . and send in your $20.

Now the money’s in preaching eschatological “climate crisis” – formerly just “change” – and selling electric cars, to salve the soul.

Sanctions,Smanctions! Checkmate!

Amidst historic U.S. – Iran tensions, Beijing is doubling-down on its strategic partnership with Tehran, ignoring U.S. efforts to isolate the Islamic Republic from global markets. Following an August visit by Iran Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif to Beijing, the two countries agreed to update a 25-year program signed in 2016, to include an unprecedented $400 billion of investment in the Iranian economy – sanctions be damned.

We at Something Wicked Media apologize for this meme's blatant "Cuomophobia.

satire

https://rolliequaid.com/2019/09/05/proof-that-latino-american-is-not-s...

The Flatulence Report, for The Beano, has worked out a mathematical formula to find what sort of breaking wind was the most comical.

Academics tested for 176 different noises ranging from low to high pitch, short to long, dry to wet and from loud to squeaking.

Components in the formula included intensity, length, social embarrassment, the number of children present and the age and gender of whoever hears it.

The funniest fart came out on top in a public vote with a mean score of 8.27 out of 10 - also being described as 'unfortunate' and 'potentially messy'.

What is the secret to a long life? Well if you ask this 121-year-old it’s dandelions and sleeping for six months a year.

Tommy the tortoise is celebrating her birthday and is now the world’s oldest living pet.

She has survived two world wars, six different monarchs and 21 US Presidents.

Born in 1898, Tommy has been in Sheila Floris’s family since 1909 when her grandmother Margaret Cloonan bought her for £1 – when the tortoise was already 11 years old.

Sheila claims that Tommy’s longevity can be attributed to her healthy diet of garden weeds and plenty of love and care from her owners over the last 121 years.

I factually assert that human beings are better understood as vegetables intentionally cultivated by ET overlords managing a .01% human “leadership/bloodline minion class” than explanations with abundant “Big Lies” from “official” history texts.

This essay will:

Tongue in Cheek!

DURHAM, NC—In an effort to improve the company’s image amid criticism about poor conditions in its warehouses, e-commerce giant Amazon has begun to ship workers in packages to personally assure customers they’re being treated well, sources confirmed Friday. “When people who don’t know any better criticize my employer, they’re totally ignoring the fact that Amazon just sent me on an all-expenses-paid trip across the country in this nice, sturdy box,” said an Amazon employee identifying himself as Wilson O’Connell.

Video

Funny! More believable than Epstein killing himself.