HUMOR AND SATIRE | WHAT REALLY HAPPENED


HUMOR AND SATIRE

May 25 14:35

Hilarious Footage: Starbucks Sensitivity Training

Starbucks plans to close the stores and offer sensitivity training on May 29th of this year as a result of a Starbucks employee calling the police on two black men who were denied access to the bathroom for not being a paying customer. What will those classes look like? Here's a video of what employees of Starbucks might expect to see....

May 24 11:40

New Ben Garrison! - The Wizard of Twitter

grrrgraphics

May 23 11:15

Weird laws still in effect in the United States

Get this – the average US citizen breaks at least three laws a day without even knowing it!

All women of “uncertain” chastity must be off the streets by 9 p.m.

A man can legally beat his wife (but not more than once a month).

One may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

It is illegal to serve alcohol to a gay person.

Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff.

May 21 21:28

The Messiah Is Here

Excellent piece covering the last couple of weeks in the Mideast.
Pretty well sums it up! Trump and Putin in Netanyahu's pocket.

The arrival of Benjamin Netanyahu on that day was a heaven-sent gift for Putin. Here was the man who could call upon the US Senate, who can deal with the US President, and now he came in person, Mr World Jewry personified, supporting the Russian narrative of history

Netanyahu repaid his host by a missile strike upon Syria, almost right away. This is a standard Israeli procedure: upon any high-level meeting with the Russians, bomb their allies, so they would know who is more important. They bombed Syria while Russian Defence Minister Shoygu’s jet was still in flight from Moscow to Tel Aviv.
Putin swallowed it, and promised to refrain from supplying S-300 to Syria, despite his Chief of Staff’s words.

May 16 08:53

Daddy's Little Ghoul -Ivanka Is Such A Sweet Little Zionist Genocidal Daughter

Who Controls Her Stupid Narcissistic Dad

May 16 07:36

'With friends like that who needs enemies’: Tusk lashes out at Trump over recent US moves

Looks like the EU will be ditching the dollar for oil payments.

Donald Tusk
?
@eucopresident
Looking at latest decisions of @realDonaldTrump someone could even think: with friends like that who needs enemies. But frankly, EU should be grateful. Thanks to him we got rid of all illusions. We realise that if you need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of your arm.

5:36 AM - May 16, 2018
4,313
2,431 people are talking about this

May 12 22:45

Netanyahu: “Let’s You and Him Fight”: Brandishing the American Miitary

Fred On Everything is P.O.ed!

Why did the Cockatoo-in-Chief renege on the Iran deal deeply prized by Russia, China, France, Germany, England, and the European Union? Why did he deliberately damage relations with Europe and cost American workers many thousands of jobs at Boeing among others? Why do all of this to hurt a country that poses no danger to the United States?

Israel.Israel, Israel. Israel. Israel.
Always Israel.

But while “the Jews” didn’t sink the Iran deal, a comparatively small number of Israel-firsters did. These are the Neocons, warlike and heavily Jewish, plus the Jewish lobby AIPAC plus a few Jewish billionaires. Collectively they determine American foreign policy, and not for the benefit of America........

May 12 09:36

Motorised shed hits 100mph to break speed record at Pendine Sands

A souped-up motorised shed has broken its own land speed record on a Welsh beach as it hit 100mph.

May 12 02:58

The Stefan Halper Trick Shot

How to get a fisa warrant

May 10 15:52

Why America is the Greatest Country

Op-Ed by Chris Kanthan

That America is the greatest country today and in the history of mankind is of no doubt. It feels really silly to even write an article about such an indisputable fact. We are the sole superpower with the biggest economy, the most desired currency and the mightiest military. If you’re reading this, you can thank the American innovation called the Internet. Throughout the world, people listen to American music, watch American movies and pay a premium for American brands – from clothing to electronics to food – and dream of immigrating to America. That’s called Soft Power.

Of course, America is not a paradise where everything is perfect. Let’s address some of the concerns of the nitpicking naysayers...

May 10 10:02

Donald Trump angers Scots after luxury golf resort bans Irn-Bru

Trump has really done it now. He has banned the Scots #1 soft drink from his Scottish resort and golf course. Boy is he in big trouble now!
Where is William Wallace when you need him. Trump can kill them,attack their country,sanction them,but the Scots will never give up their Irn Bru!

It is the best-selling soft drink in Scotland, often referred to as the country's "other national drink," so it should perhaps come as no surprise that the banning of Irn-Bru from a luxury golf resort owned by Donald Trump has caused many Scots to see, erm, orange.

May 09 14:45

Watch the Long-Lost ‘Donald Trump’s House of Wings’ Sketch

In 2004, Trump appeared in a Saturday Night Live

May 06 23:41

Man Who Self-Identified as Bear Found Bear Community Highly Intolerant

Ryan Riese of Fulton, MD died yesterday after deciding to don a bear costume and attempt to live among actual bears. He was 36 at the time of his passing.

May 05 17:33

Mid-2018: America’s 2nd Revolution for Independence will win with: 1) Facts all on our side, 2) Teamwork, 3) Faith

*hyperlinks/videos live at source*

America’s first revolution for independence had three stages:
1. Decades of public awakening to their own government using We the People as colonized work animals to maximize a .01% profits. Founders spoke and wrote, government denied and lied, and most Americans were too busy to clearly embrace those facts.
2. War from 1775 to 1781.
3. Decades of recapture for the US to ironically become the world’s most dangerous and harmful illegal rogue state empire.

Welcome to mid-2018 (more on current status here):
1. All facts on the side of We the People to prove a lying, Orwellian-illegal .01% US rogue state empire.
2. Awakening Americans to these facts, but with central questions: will we win? Do we have enough teammates? What strategies can win?
3. Appropriate perspective and humor of we simple humans thrown into this ridiculously challenging cosmic “game.”

May 02 03:44

Michelle Wolf Defends WHCD Jokes

***
I wanted to do something different. I didn’t want to cater to the room. I wanted to cater to the outside audience, and not betray my brand of comedy. I actually, a friend of mine who helped me write, he gave me a note before I went on which I kept with me which was, “Be true to yourself. Never apologize. Burn it to the ground.”

>>>

(*Tough crowd !

I thought they were the Anti Politically Correct administration .)


(*"I learned The Truth from Lenny Bruce"
Paul Simon )

Apr 30 10:57

Bitches and Ho's and Mop Glow Floes with Smiley Face, Polar Bears.

Dog Poet Transmitting.......

It's Sunday! Sunday afternoon. Here at Aquasco Speedway. Big Daddy Dan Gurlitz is rolling out of the hills of South Carolina, just north of the Lee Correctional Facility at Bishopville, SC. With his 4-barrel, hemi-topped, microcephalic, chrome plated, pinhead 457. It's all good.

Something happened in the night last night; don't know what it was. It was good and charged with energy. Yesterday I woke up in the early evening after a short nap, disoriented and hearing that I was in countdown mode and might not be here all that much longer. Time passed and I understood that not much longer did not mean sometime the next day or next year but time to think about winding up those details that have been hanging around, waiting for me to get a clue about them; not time for me to start making plans, cause it never is or will be.

Apr 30 04:20

TRUMP RIPS MICHELLE WOLF

Trump Rips Correspondents' Dinner, 'Filthy' Michelle Wolf

US President Donald Trump on Sunday joined in on the criticism of comedian Michelle Wolf's performance at this year's White House Correspondents’ Association (WHCA) dinner, calling her "filthy" and slamming the event as an "embarrassment."
“The White House Correspondents’ Dinner was a failure last year, but this year was an embarrassment to everyone associated with it,” Trump wrote on twitter, The Hill reported.

“The filthy ‘comedian’ totally bombed (couldn’t even deliver her lines-much like the Seth Meyers weak performance). Put Dinner to rest, or start over!,” he added, referencing Meyers' 2011 headlining performance in which he roasted Trump.

>>>

(*With all due respect , Meyers , Wolf , are two of your "Jewish Friends" , Sir . "13" Days before you deliver preferential treatment for them over all others . )

Apr 27 05:23

The League of Assad-Loving Conspiracy Theorists

So the global capitalist ruling classes’ War on Dissent is now in full swing. With their new and improved official narrative, “Democracy versus the Putin-Nazis,” successfully implanted in the public consciousness, the corporatocracy have been focusing their efforts on delegitimizing any and all forms of deviation from their utterly absurd and increasingly paranoid version of reality.

***
I've been writing about this since 2016, so I’m not going to try to rehash all that here. The short version is, Western societies are being divided into two opposing camps … two extremely broad ideological camps, both of which encompass the traditional political division into left and right. Let’s call camp number one “the Normals” (i.e., those who support and conform to the values and ideology of global capitalism, regardless of whether they identify as conservatives, liberals, neoliberals, neoconservatives, or anything else). Let’s call camp number two “the Extremists” (i.e., those opposing global capitalism, or not conforming to its ideology, regardless of whether they identify as socialists, communists, anarchists, fascists, anti-fascists, jihadists, or whatever).
>>>

Apr 23 12:42

Russian Collusion" Hits a Wall

Apr 23 10:56

Trump May Be Involved In 1956 Lemonade Stand Scandal, Mueller Investigation Finds

Special counsel’s office has also discovered irregularities in tax filings for a newspaper route president had in 1958

Apr 22 08:10

DNC Files Lawsuit Alleging Nation Should Never, Ever Stop Focusing On 2016 Election

Demanding greater accountability for the race’s outcome, the Democratic National Committee reportedly filed a multimillion-dollar lawsuit Friday alleging that the nation should never, ever stop focusing on the 2016 presidential election. “Our lawsuit lays out, in no uncertain terms, that the nation should never under any circumstances move on from the 2016 election results,” said DNC chairman Tom Perez, adding that the 66-page lawsuit filed in a New York federal court asserts that the American people must remain solely preoccupied with every little goddamn detail from the 2016 presidential race. “We’re calling on WikiLeaks, Russia, and Trump campaign officials to join the Democratic Party in our efforts to spend the next several years prioritizing endless fucking discussions about potential election interference and what that means for democracy.

Webmaster's Commentary: 

This is The Onion, but close enough to reality that I decided to post it.

Apr 21 09:20

How Yulia and Sergei Skripal (and their cat) Saved the World! A Synopsis of the Attack on Syria.

By Brett Redmayne-Titley

This past Saturday, we all discovered that the latest triumvirate of self-serving, sadistic and socially challenged world leaders (US/UK/FR) had suffered a storied defeat…one caused by two little pigs – guinea pigs really – and one black cat...

Apr 17 09:32

THE HORROR OF NOT BEING ON FACEBOOK

The horror dating story everyone dreads.

Apr 16 17:36

Brave 'dogs of war' fighting at gate

This is a bit like the self designated P3 taking on Russia in Syria :)

Apr 16 10:57

New Ben Garrison comic is brilliant.

Comey Pyle - by Ben Garrison

Apr 14 13:21

Jaysh al-Islam militants call US-led strikes on Syria “farce” – reports

The Jaysh al-Islam militants’ leader Muhammad Allush reportedly expressed indignation of the US-led strikes via Twitter and called it a “farce.”

Apr 13 05:18

Holocaust ‘Orphan’ Dr. Ruth Responds to Millennial Ignorance About Nazi Atrocities

On Israel’s Holocaust Remembrance Day Thursday, Jewish Americans were confronted with sobering statistics based on a survey done by Schoen Consulting, commissioned by The Conference on Jewish Material Claims Against Germany. Nearly one-third of Americans in general and 41 percent of millennial Americans think “substantially less” than 6 million Jews were murdered in the Holocaust, the survey found. Further, two-thirds of millennials surveyed could not identify Auschwitz.
Note: This is spite of laws telling people what they have to believe (the lies). Dr. Ruth is the one who gave lessons on oral sex by comparing it to licking an ice cream cone. Nuff said!

Apr 12 07:50

13 People Who Don't Seem To Understand That Things Cost Money

Webmaster addition: I get this all the time. People want me to do computer animations and visual effects for their film projects because they can "make me famous." :)

Apr 11 12:39

Tom Lehrer - So Long, Mom (A Song for World War III) - with intro - widescreen

Apr 11 08:46

New MAGA Hat

Apr 10 09:30

Police Department Vows To Arrest Winter For Staying Around

A New York police department “arrested” winter Friday for sticking around for so long.

The Depew Police Department sent out a Facebook post notifying winter that it had been placed under arrest, reports the Associated Press.

The police department said winter had the “right to remain silent” and that if winter cooperated with them, the department would “look past” winter’s “past transgressions.”

“Any further snow you produce will be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, but only if you turn in the groundhog that predicted six more weeks of winter,” the department wrote in a Facebook post. “If you are willing to work with us, we are willing to look past your most recent transgressions over the course of this past week. The choice is yours.”

Apr 10 09:27

The #HillaryClinton #BlameTrain -- New Ben Garrison Cartoon

@GrrrGraphics

The #HillaryClinton #BlameTrain new #TinaToon

Who will Hillary blame next?

Apr 10 05:31

Mom Apologizes After Accidentally Sending Son to Elementary School in Obscene Shirt

What would you do if you accidentally sent your 10-year-old son to school in a less-than-appropriate McDonald’s t-shirt? If you’re Texas mom Shelly McCullar, you own up to the mistake in a hilarious Facebook post that quickly went viral. Her son’s shirt might have looked like the famous Mickey D’s golden arches, but upon closer inspection, it’s clear that they are actually a woman’s legs spread open to look like the famous M logo. Just to top off the inappropriate sandwich, the shirt also includes the famous “I’m lovin’ it” slogan. It’s an honest mistake but that doesn’t make it any less funny.

Apr 09 11:54

Texas Town Embraces Gender Neutral Restroom Culture - (Satire)

Marklar's Ghost's blog post was featured

Apr 09 10:52

Diamond & Silk: Facebook Says We're "Unsafe

This is a hilarious rant on Fox news.

"We ain't laying out in the street, we ain't no thugs, we don't belong to no gangs, so how are WE unsafe??!!... it's offensive, it's appalling, it taints our brand, it taints us, as women ... Facebook is supposed to be an entity that wants equality, equality for women. Well why are you censoring two women? two women of color?"

Apr 08 23:09

Reporter Jonathon Pie rips into Boris Johnson

Some naughty words.

Apr 08 15:12

FAKE NEWS #AntiSchool

1:40 in. Do not hurt yourselves.

The media is owned by 6 corporations.
We need to break the conditioning.
They want you weak, divided, controlled.
Think for yourself.

Apr 06 08:05

25,000 sealed federal criminal indictments: White and Black Hat endgame scenarios

*hyperlinks/videos live at source*

~25,000 sealed federal indictments since October 2017 is 50 times more than usual, and therefore game-changing news seeming to mean one of three sets of facts:
a) .01% arrests for ongoing illegal rogue state empire annually killing millions, harming billions, and looting trillions, OR
b) .01% patriot arrests to remove our voices from revealing the illegal rogue state empire (.01% = ~30,000 Americans), OR
c) yet another disinformation rogue state PSYOP to waste patriots time and energy.

Let’s consider all three scenarios (full adult language, especially how I imagine .01% rogue state leaders gleeful in victory).
Scenario 1: Patriots victory!

White House Press Briefing Room with President Trump, various officials and media packed in the room.

Trump: Ladies, gentlemen, children of America, along with viewers from around the world: you are free!

This briefing will summarize our perspective in “draining the swamp”:

Apr 05 16:09

Novichok Flashback:- Expelling the Russians

This clip from the 1980's documentary "Yes Prime Minister" shows that the English Empire has been floating on bullshit for a long time

Questions For English PM T.May before launching Nuclear War

Apr 03 10:58

Modern Educayshun

Apr 03 06:51

Belarus Expels Moscow Diplomats? ‘Leading Russia Expert’ Falls for Cheeky April Fool’s Joke

Anders Aslund’s deep knowledge of Eastern European politics was no match for April Fool’s, when the supposedly all-knowing Russia commentator fruitlessly cheered fake news about Belarus expelling Russian diplomats. Aslund, who was presented by the American think tank the Atlantic Council as a “leading specialist” on Russian economic policy and Eastern Europe in general, has been featured on the BBC, CNN and the Washington Post as a commentator on Russian President Vladimir Putin’s administration. In 1999, he predicted the imminent collapse of Russia (something he is still waiting for). Now, in 2018, Aslund appears to have been left slightly red-faced after he provided online commentary on a breaking news prank regarding further expulsions for Russian diplomats. The prank was carried out by Martin Kragh, of the Swedish Institute of International Affairs, who tweeted: “Breaking: Belarus expels 5 Russian diplomats in solidarity with the UK.

Apr 02 13:30

How he gave the order :-)

What Really Happened Radio Show

Mar 31 13:42

Sylvester Stallone’s Brother Calls David Hogg a ‘P*ssy’, Wants Classmates to ‘Sucker Punch’ Him

lol, Frank ('Far from over!') Stallone's tweets are now "protected."

Mar 27 16:54

Newsflash: President Donald J. Trump Had Sex With A Whore Twelve Years Ago

Newsflash: President Donald J. Trump had sex with a whore twelve years ago. Let that sink into your limbic lobes, you poor, opiated, Facebook-addled, morbidly-obese, fly-over nation of lumbering, deplorable, gun-gripping, Jesus-haunted voters. A hoor! Do you hear?

Mar 27 09:01

Sack cartoon: John Bolton

Mar 27 07:56

Archie Bunker on Democrats

Mar 26 09:04

Frustrated Father Chops off his Son’s hand for watching porn

It’s a weird shocking incident a father chops off his Son’s hand for apparently getting addicted to porn on his phone. It happened two weeks before in Hyderabad, India.

Mar 25 14:16

New Ben Garrison: ASSault Weapon!

Mar 25 08:46

Honey badger – Floyd Mayweather of wildlife can attack lion’s “ball” literally

The Infamous honey badger is quite literally living a badass life-giving zero f*ck to major players of food chart. Never give up attitude and its defensive technique gives them a upper hand for its survivability in the wildlife.

Mar 22 14:35

Mueller Fishing

Mar 22 10:09

Overheard in Los Angeles (53 Pics)

Mar 20 17:06

bad bad Russians

Mar 20 15:32

Monkey on the loose last seen near the King of Diamonds Strip Club, police say

What is this country coming to. We have fugitive monkeys,probably drunk,patronizing strip clubs with the police in hot pursuit!

The monkey mystery deepened Tuesday afternoon, as North Miami Beach cops combing the neighborhood for the small primate weren’t able to confirm if it was the same animal that escaped from a Dania Beach primate lab a few days ago.

That missing monkey’s name is Mikey.

North Miami Beach police, working with the Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission, are in search of a small as-yet-unnamed monkey that was first spotted early Tuesday morning outside of the popular strip joint, the King of Diamonds.

Someone spotted a monkey as they were leaving that establishment and notified police.

Mar 17 10:30

What a timely video, especially with all the #FakeNews and Main Stream Media propaganda circulating on the internet!

Mar 16 09:58

SALISBURY POISON ATTACK: BRITISH POLICE FINDS PUTIN'S ID CARD AT THE SCENE

Now, the last doubts about the perpetrators of Russia in the poisoning of the Russian ex-spy Sergei Skripal should be cleared up. As the British government announced today, the ID card of Russian President Vladimir Putin was discovered at the crime scene in Salisbury.

According to British Prime Minister Theresa May, the ID card was only found in a re-investigation of the crime scene because it was under a leaf.

"Russia now has 24 hours to deliver Vladimir Putin to be interviewed in London," the British government said. "Otherwise, we'll take that as a guilty admission."

Mar 16 09:19

NYTimes Presents Proof That Russia Murdered Ex-Spy With Chemicals

Over the course of just two weeks, three nor’easters have blasted the Eastern Seaboard with heavy snow, damaging winds and coastal flooding. The first in early March struck New England with incredible wind gusts up to 97 mph and knocked out power to 2 million homes and businesses. The...

Mar 16 03:05

NYTimes Presents Proof That Russia Murdered Ex-Spy With Chemicals

CASE CLOSED

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Mar 14 12:36

BEX ALERT - U.S. Monitoring Possible North Korean Military Base in Syria

The United States is monitoring information indicating that North Korea may be running a large underground military base in Syria that could be used for advanced weaponry and nuclear-related work, according to regional reports and U.S. officials tracking the situation.

From a Lost Age... HORROR Crawls from the Depths of the Earth!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuvAKxlfN3U

Mar 12 14:33

Archie Bunker On Gun Control

he even covers Communism in the Soviet Union and "the international bankers," LOL!

Mar 12 08:05

Ann Coulter Mocks Claim That Trump's Use Of The Term 'Globalist' Is An 'Anti-Semitic' Code Word For Jew

Ann Coulter wasted no time in repeatedly mocking this claim, listing a bunch of Jewish public figures and calling them 'globalist.' Her grand finale was the tweet 'Israel must be defended as last redoubt of the Globalists.'

Mar 06 13:40

photo -- Multicultural Toilet Instructions

Kemi Immigration Center, Finland

Feb 27 11:59

Oscars 2018 - Sexual Predator of the Year | LEAKED CLIP!!!

Feb 27 02:04

Failure Never Stop Your Success!!

An inspirational Story to Overcome Failure.

Feb 22 19:44

Archie Bunker's Editorial on Gun Control

Poltical Science.Carrol O'Conner must be rolling in his grave.

From the "All in the Family" Season 3 premiere, entitled (appropriately) "Archie and the Editorial." It aired over 40 years ago.

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